The Proof is in the Pudding
by azriona
Summary: Sex Pollen. It was totally Sex Pollen. That’s Rose’s story, and she’s sticking to it. OT3 Nine/Rose/Jack, and first installment in the Pudding 'Verse.


**Title: **Proof is in the Pudding**  
Characters:** Nine, Rose, Jack  
**Rating:** Teen for nudity and implied sexual situations**  
Summary:** Sex Pollen. It was totally Sex Pollen. That's Rose's story, and she's sticking to it.**  
A/N:** OT3, and first in the Pudding 'Verse. Not beta'ed by anyone, as it borders on crack.

* * *

**The Proof is in the Pudding**

"Well," said Rose. Her arms were neatly folded over the duvet, and her eyes were firmly focused on the ceiling. "Now what?"

"Sleeping," said Jack. He lay equally neat on her right, and _his_ eyes were firmly closed.

"Huh?" Rose turned her head on the pillow to look at him.

"I am sleeping and unable to answer your question," said Jack. "Ask the Doctor."

Rose turned her head in the other direction. "Doctor?"

"Humans, always questioning everything," grumped the Doctor. The duvet was slightly more tousled there, but at least his eyes were open, even if they were intent on examining his fingernails. "Can't ever let a thing rest, you always have to know what's next and why."

"I thought that's what you liked about humans," said Rose.

"Jack's a human, and he's not asking questions."

"I'm a highly evolved human," said Jack.

"You're sleeping," Rose reminded him.

"Highly evolved human," repeated Jack firmly.

"You could be more like Jack," said the Doctor.

Rose lifted the duvet and looked down at herself. "I don't have the right equipment, I'm afraid."

"Thank goodness for that," said Jack. "And put the covers down, I'm getting cold."

"Try sleeping next to the Doctor."

"Oi, I didn't hear you complaining earlier!" said the Doctor.

"No, she was too busy screaming my name," said Jack. Rose turned her head back to him.

"You're supposed to be _sleeping_."

"Highly evolved human!"

"I just want to know what this is," insisted Rose. "Was it some sort of sex pollen? Did we all temporarily lose our minds? Did Jack get me and the Doctor fantastically drunk?"

"I haven't lost my mind in at least three centuries," said the Doctor.

"And I tried getting you both drunk last week. It didn't work," said Jack. Rose shoved him. "Ow!"

"Go back to sleep, if you're going to make fun!"

"Who says I was making fun?"

"I noticed that neither of you were discrediting the sex pollen."

There was a noticeable pause in the conversation, which was eventually punctuated by an unconvincing snore from Jack.

"Is it such a _bad_ thing, to have been hit with a sex pollen?" asked the Doctor finally.

Rose groaned, and pulled the duvet over her head. "How long is it going to last?"

"What?"

"The sex pollen! When's it going to be out of our systems?"

The Doctor shrugged. "No idea. I could run some tests and find out."

"How long would that take?"

"A few hours," admitted the Doctor.

"By which point the pollen will have worn off anyway," said Jack. "I mean, when you take into account that we're currently breathing filtered TARDIS air, and she takes all the bad stuff out, right, Doc?"

"Don't call me Doc."

"So even if the pollen's still in our systems now, it'll be out by the time I wake up again," continued Jack.

"You never went to sleep!" said the Rose-shaped form under the covers.

"I'm sleeping now," said Jack.

"You're not—"

"Highly advanced human!"

"Do you want me to run the tests?" asked the Doctor.

Rose emerged from the duvet, and bit her lip. "No," she finally said.

"No?" clarified the Doctor, turning to look at her.

"No?" repeated Jack, opening one eye.

Rose sighed, and looked at the ceiling. "No. I don't want to know when the pollen runs out."

"Why?" demanded Jack, pushing himself up on one arm to get a better look at her.

"Because when it does, I'm going to feel awful enough," she said glumly. "And I don't feel the least bit sorry at the moment, which is how I know the pollen's still in my system, because if it had worked itself out, I'd feel like a right slag for what we did before. And I _don't_. And I don't want to, either, 'cause..."

"Because?" prompted the Doctor.

"Because I liked it," said Rose, utterly miserable. "And I think you both liked it too, and you don't feel bad for it either. So it has to be sex pollen. Doesn't it?"

"Rose...." said Jack, anguished, and he looked up at the Doctor, somewhat lost.

"Rose," said the Doctor quietly. He brushed a hand through Rose's hair. "No reason to feel bad for it, sex pollen or no. And anyway, sex pollen doesn't make anyone do what they didn't already have in mind already. Just.. ..makes 'em more willing to do it."

"Like alcohol," said Jack. "But I guess sex pollen has a better success rate."

"Tends to, yeah," said the Doctor dryly.

Rose was quiet for a moment. "So.. .this is permanent? It's not going away when the pollen wears off?"

"Only if we want it to," said the Doctor.

"I don't want it to," said Jack quickly, both eyes open.

"Gathered," said the Doctor. "I'm talking to Rose."

"I'm part of this 'we', you know," said Jack.

"Everyone knows what you want, Jack," said the Doctor dryly. "There are entire planetary systems which have built monuments to what they know you want."

Rose looked up at the Doctor. "What do you want?"

He looked down at her, and continued stroking her hair. "Told you before. Your wish is my command."

"But you told me to be careful what I wish for," she reminded him. "And it didn't turn out so well the first time."

"You've learned since then," replied the Doctor. He ignored the confused expression on Jack's face – explanations would wait, forever if Rose didn't want to tell him. The lad didn't need to know everything.

"It'll change everything," insisted Rose, but the Doctor shook his head.

"Sex always does. It doesn't mean we'll feel bad about it. Might feel exactly the same as we do now."

Rose thought for a moment – he could see the wheels working in her head. She snuggled deeper into the covers.

"I think," she announced, "that I'm going to take a nap."

"A nap?" echoed Jack, disbelieving.

"A nap," she said. "And then I'll wake up, and there won't be sex pollen in my system, and I can decide what I want to happen next."

"A nap," Jack repeated, as if to confirm what he'd heard several times.

"You're the one who's already asleep," said Rose, and she closed her eyes.

It didn't take long for Rose's breathing to even out – she'd been well and truly worn out, but then, so had Jack. He rested his head on the pillow again to watch Rose's chest rise and fall.

"Doc," he whispered, when he was absolutely certain that Rose was asleep.

"Hmm?"

"There wasn't any sex pollen, was there?"

"No," said the Doctor. "The TARDIS would have let us know when we boarded."

"So everything we did—"

"Entirely our own doing."

"So when Rose wakes up—"

"If she's not feeling guilty about it now, she might not when she wakes up," allowed the Doctor. "But she's young, Jack, and the 21st century had different ideas about three people together. She might see it differently, when she wakes up. At least this way she won't blame herself entirely."

Jack looked at Rose longingly. "I don't want her to blame herself."

"So she'll blame the pollen instead," reasoned the Doctor.

Jack looked up at him. "You really think this will change things?"

"Sex always changes things. Just don't know how, is the problem. Might be a change for the better, might be a change for the worse. We can't know unless we try it, that's the trick. And we've tried it, now we've got to follow through. It's like cooking."

"Cooking."

"You know a good cook not by their appearance or the state of their kitchen," explained the Doctor. "It's by the way they cook."

"That phrase – the proof is in the pudding," said Jack.

"Exactly. You know a relationship not by how it starts or ends, but how it's lived day to day. Pudding."

Jack looked at Rose, and ran his fingers through a bit of her hair, just to feel the strands. "I hope she doesn't feel guilty about it, Doc. I don't."

"You wouldn't," said the Doctor fondly. "Get some sleep. We'll see what happens in the morning."

Jack closed his eyes and exhaled. Before long, he was asleep as well, and the Doctor closed his eyes, just for a moment. Time Lords didn't sleep – but then, Time Lords didn't do this either, so it was clearly a day for setting precedents.

Rose opened her eyes in the dark room, flanked by her two lovers, and smiled satisfactorily to herself. "I'm pretty good at pudding," she said to herself, and with a contented sigh, really did fall asleep.


End file.
